In case you haven’t noticed, Angelina Jolie is smoking hot. But that’s not what makes this movie so great; it’s great because the average guy wishes he could escape his humdrum life as a desk jockey, forced to fall on the corporate sword every day at a dead-end job while he struggles to keep his head above water. Don’t kid yourself, you know this to be true.

Wesley (James McAvoy) finds out that his father was an assassin who’s just been killed, and that he can pretty much own anybody he wants because, just like pops, he’s got super-human powers he didn’t even realize he had. Once he gets a grip on his abilities by training with an elite assassin’s guild, he sets out to find and kill the man who murdered dear ol’ dad. Wesley uses his super-sweet powers along the way to curve bullets, take revenge on his tyrannical boss and his two-faced friends, kill a ton of people, and make out with Angelina Jolie. Awesome flick, don’t miss it.

From what I understand, the problem with spending a ridiculous amount of money on a film starring Kevin Costner is that, well, Kevin Costner is in it. I really do love this movie, and only got a recent chance to catch up and watch the whole thing after seeing bits and pieces on TV for years. The storyline is fantastic and provides a stylistic and unique take on the post-apocalyptic genre. Some of the green screening and special effects are lackluster at best, but I mean it came out like a thousand years ago.

After the polar ice caps melt (which, strangely enough, is a global topic of discussion as something that could actually happen these days) the world is engulfed in water and the people are forced to survive on floating barges, villages and boats. Dry Land is a legend that everyone has heard, yet few people know whether it exists. Kevin Costner plays a lone drifter who keeps to himself, but when forced to take a woman and a young girl onto his boat, he continually debates whether to throw them overboard until they find a soft spot on his heart. Oh yeah, and he’s also a mutant – his mutations are that he has webbed toes and gills behind his ears like a fish and can swim underwater for hours. Costner is a good anti-hero in the film; I just wish he was in a movie where he didn’t talk like a robot for 90% of it.

This is about the dumbest movie I’ve seen in the past year. It’s about a family, and they all die and go to heaven, except the mom goes to hell. So the dad, played by Robin Williams, goes on an epic journey to ‘rescue’ her from hell and they all live in heaven happily ever after. Except the mom and dad reincarnate themselves so they can live again. It was probably one of the biggest wastes of film in the history of humanity. They could’ve used that film to capture the eating habits of giraffes on the Serengeti, to capture babies being born or even to make one of those time-lapse photography videos to show the bloom cycle of a flower. Even though the film was nominated for a bunch of awards and everything, I still hated it. But I gave it a 2 on the flame scale despite its warped theology and several boring scenes that went on for like five hours, because the ‘living paint’ scenes, while dull, were pretty majestic-looking.