This film is too ridiculous for words. Unfortunately for you, dear reader, I’m unable to stand before you and make crude/obscene gestures along with primitive grunts, squeaks, and bodily noises to describe how I feel about it. I started watching this, and it seemed normal enough at first. The f At first I was like okay, “when is something interesting going to happen.”

Well, this film answers a question that I’ve been asking myself — and friends, and random strangers at the grocery store — for a long time. Is Natalie Portman still just as much of a hawty with a shaved head as she is with normal girly-hair? The answer, my friends, is this: not really, but almost. I’ve never been a fan of short girly-hair, but in this case it doesn’t get in the way of her natural beauty. Those jaunted cheekbones are just as classy without wavy locks flowing around them. But anyway, about the movie. It was pretty flipping average, with some hot sauce thrown in. If you watched either or both of the second and third Matrix movies, you know that the Wachowski brothers have a penchant for writing way too much dialogue that makes little sense. They didn’t change their tune here. If you can get past that though, you’ll be pretty amazed at how one dude with a couple of knives can slay more than a dozen anonymous goons armed with submachine guns. Definitely an entertaining watch, and one that’s worth at least three and a half out of five on the scale.

Don’t hate me because of how great I look. Oh the review, right… or because I thought this was a decent movie. Pretty much everyone I talked to said it sucked, but just because it wasn’t scary doesn’t mean there was no value to it. Originality? Come on, when have I seen anything like this before, except maybe in “The Wizard of Oz.” Well, I guess not really. M. Night even makes a cameo, which (surprise) is totally rad, just like in his other movies! Too bad I’m only giving it a 3.5. Since other people thought it was so worthless I wanted to let my opinions of the movies I watch be affected by what all the cool people think, so I had to take some points off. No just kidding, it actually doesn’t deserve a 4 but it’s better than average.