If you’re looking forward to wasting an afternoon or evening at home, rent this movie. It’s completely worthless, and ranks as one of the dumbest movies I’ve watched in my entire life. I hesitate to give it even half a flame’s rating, but I guess because Cedric T. Entertainer is actually funny in other stuff I’ve seen him in, I’m forced to take pity on this sorry excuse for a film with a 0.5 on the scale.

It makes me sad when I think about the steaming pile of slag that Eddie Murphy’s career has become. Not really, just kidding. He’s made enough money from movies like the Beverly Hills Cop series and The Nutty Professors to be set for lifetimes over. Still, one of his most important and successful works remains the first BHC, which I finally got a chance to watch the other day.

I’ve come to the conclusion that all cop movies are fundamentally the same. No matter what you do, your lieutenant is about to be pissed at you for it. Rookies are dumb as rocks, and seasoned veteran cops are all uptight jerks. Even with all the stereotypes, Murphy still manages to make you laugh with his sarcastic brand of humor, so if you’re in the mood for a movie that you don’t have to take seriously, here’s one that’s worth your while.

When this came out last summer, I heard mixed reviews ranging from “it sucked” to “it was pretty good” and all the way up to “it was the second best movie of the year (behind Transformers).” The truth is, it’s a pretty flipping unbelievable flick.

The special effects are one thing - and an amazing thing at that. But what struck me most about this film was how they were able to take such a highly improbable comic book character and translate him to film in a way that made him seem even the least bit realistic. As I was watching Tony Stark build a metal suit that could repel bullets and shoot fire using a pile of scraps in a cave somewhere in the mountains of Afghanistan, I didn’t even once question why I had gone to such incredible lengths to suspend my disbelief. That’s a credit to the filmmakers, who took something that should be very difficult to take in logically, and gave it credibility through a feat of fantastic storytelling.

I’m not sure what I would say about this film except that certain parts of it, which come to around a minute and a half in length, were cut out of every home release since it came out in 1989. The latest 20th Anniversary DVD I just saw, however, was the un-cut version of the film.

Needless to say, it’s about as gory a flick as you could possibly imagine, being that I think the main character actually manages to kill someone about every twelve seconds. If you really like seeing dead people who were murdered using a variety of creative methods, watch this. It was shot on 16mm and has that really raw, grainy look to it, and was hailed by some as a masterpiece back in the day. Personally, I could have slept better last night had I not watched it just before retiring for the evening.