I thought it was too long, and also too graphic. Mockumentary type films must be both of those things, I’m afraid. Jake Gyllenhaal looks like a tard with a shaved head. But he got to play the part of a Marine Scout Sniper, which lessened the effect of him looking like a tard for the whole movie. Then he didn’t ever get to shoot anything the entire time he was in Iraq, so once again he began to seem like less of a regular man in my mind and more of a retarded man. I’d say watch this movie, if you like war films that don’t have any fighting in them. Or if you dig military movies where the majority of the characters’ dialog revolves around poo and/or masturbation. I’m not even kidding, but I still gave it a three on the awesomeness scale because it was pretty realistic. Not the dialog… the whole “what it’s like to be in Iraq” bit.

I’ve been making a point to catch up on the Johnny Depp catalog lately as he’s becoming one of my favorite sexy, sexy actor-mans. His role in this film as voice talent was quite well done, except he accidentally married a dead chick. That always sucks, much like this film, which although beautifully animated and an original Tim Burton classic, lacked at least three things I usually look for in a film: someone getting killed, non-animated boobies, and lots and lots – and lots – of not singing. Not that I look for the boobies. But pixelated cleavage is definitely not appreciated in my book-o-stuff. And let’s be frank; singing is for aspiring Gospel and Country artists at the local fair – not for movies. If I wanted to watch people singing a bunch of music I’d travel back in time to hear the sweet sounds of Jermaine and Tito Jackson of the Jackson 5. Speaking of five’s, this movie did not get one. It got a 2 and 1/2, which is much less.

I kind of expected an epic, like a lengthy account of one man’s rise to fame and what happens when he follows his dreams. I love those kind of movies, where things start small and eventually they grow so big that the protagonist can’t handle them anymore and it all starts to fall apart. Hustle and Flow is about a two-bit pimp who decides to get into the rap game, yo. With the help of a few of his best niggaz, he sets up a recording studio all up in his triflin’ crib and gets to steppin on some stale, repetitive, over-simplified hiphop tunes – tunes that, predictably, become popular on the local rap music scene. Then he goes to jail and the movie ends. Yeah, I’m serious. It was an alright movie, but only watch it if there are like two movies left at Blockbuster and the other one is “The Land Before Time XVII”

What I thought would end up being just another action flick was actually fairly entertaining, but even the most thrilling of movies couldn’t have turned my attention away from Scarlett Johansson and the curve-hugging body suit she wore for most of the film. I can’t really say much more without giving away the entire premise of the movie, which coincidentally… IS the entire movie. Just trust me; it’s a pretty good movie.