Set in a futuristic era where Vampires and Werewolves are in an epic struggle for dominance, Underworld was an entertaining flick. Some might find the story cheesy, but it gets points for originality and some great action/fight scenes without becoming overly “Matrixy” as many films have done lately. There are key plot elements that you don’t find out until the end, so the story is always changing as you get details through flashbacks and scattered dialogue along the way. Overall it was a good time, and I was impressed. Bordering on a 3.5, I’m going with a 4 here just because the storyline is so different from any movie that has come out recently, as well as the fact that it has a definitive look and style to it.

Does the title of this movie sound familiar, yet you can’t quite recall whether you know which one it is? That’s exactly how I felt before I saw it. I assume it had a fairly short run in theatres because of the fact that I only vaguely remember hearing about it. Matt Damon and some other guy star in this comedy, which depicts their lives as conjoined twins. The thing that impressed me about the movie was that, given the backstory, it could have been so much worse. It was actually pretty well-done, and slightly entertaining to boot. A good, funny movie with an original premise means this movie is rated 3 instead of 2 on our scale.

The best picture I’ve seen in a long time. Jack Black is a comedic genius and as a whole, this film completely exceeded my expectations. I’m not sure how well it did at the box office, but it should have done better. The best part is that it’s hilariously funny and entertaining, yet tasteful and clean enough to watch with kids. There are few movies that I would consider good enough to see more than once, but I’m about to buy it so I can watch it a couple more times. Not only is it awesome, it doesn’t have a perfect, storybook ending, which makes it so much cooler. Go see it! We givez it a 5.

This is the first chick flick I’ve ever seen without any chicks in it. Nothing blows up or dies the entire time. It would have been much cooler if they just shot the horse after its leg got broken. That way it would have been about six times better (assuming they used a six-shooter to shoot the horse) and they could have gotten the movie over with. A heart-warming film for the whole family about perseverance and determination, the movie teaches us a valuable lesson, which is to never give up no matter how tough it gets. Let me do some quick mental math here. That brings my total rating down to 1.4 flames, which I’ll round up to 2 flames because there were some pretty gnarly boxing scenes and the scene where the guy broke his leg was pretty cool as well. Overall synopsis: see it if you have nothing better to do.

How do you take one of the most promising empires in the history of film and completely ruin it? Hire the Wachowski Brothers. An even more poorly written script than its predecessor, fewer cool effects and a lack of continuity made this movie almost as bearable as ripping off your toenails with a pair of plyers. All the fighting was tired and overdone, with little finality save for a few bits of “magic” that led to a really great ending. By great, I mean it sucked so bad I wanted to puke all over my new shoes. I spared it from a zero rating on the Awesomeness Scale because it’s so bad you have to see it before you’ll believe me.

The special effects and fight scenes are absolutely stunning. Everything else is crap. The second, horribly overrated film in the Matrix trilogy was a disappointment to say the least. If you have been thinking about seeing it, find some way to watch it without paying any money. The only part that’s worth a cent is the big highway scene, now that rocked. Too much psychobabble in a screenplay that made no sense and had no point made for a terrible middle act in this once great entity. I gave it a 2.5 simply because the action was some of the best I’ve ever seen.

The rock you live under must have crushed your common sense if you haven’t seen this movie. It kicks super major boot, and on top of that Captain Jack Sparrow is perpetually drunk, the evil pirates are perpetually evil, and it has pirates in it. Pirates rule like whoa. If I had to rate this movie on a scale of 0 to 5, zero being “I’d rather chop off my knee and put it in a blender and then eat it instead of watching this movie” and five being “I’d rather watch this movie instead of having wild sex” I’d go with a 5 because wild sex is probably pretty awesome but the movie was totally awesome too.

I think Good Will Hunting is probably the only good movie I’ve ever seen with Ben Affleck in it, and that was because he wasn’t in it that much. With such a familiar, yet original storyline, this film only scratched the surface. It had so much potential to be a better movie, but it just wasn’t. You wait for it to get really good but it just never happens. I’m thinking this is going to make a really good re-make in about twenty years when they realize how awesome this should have been. I’m bordering on giving it a 4, but since it was a disappointment in that respect I’m not going to be able to go above a 3.5 on our awesomeness meter.

For those of you who haven’t seen this year’s blockbuster, The Medallion, don’t. It’s a worthless movie, produced by Jackie Chan and starring the same. I’m usually willing to watch any movie all the way through, but in this case I’m sorry I did, because the ending was worse than the rest of the movie put together. I would tell you what the movie is about, but I’d rather not waste my time and I suggest you don’t either. 0 out of 5 on the scale, because it has no awesomeness whatsoever.

For everyone who was complaining that the first two movies in this trilogy were just a bunch of people walking around, you need to check out the Return of the King. This movie is full of heart-pounding, gut-wrenching, non-stop action. It includes senseless violence, epic battle scenes, lynching, lots of death, skeleton warriors, Legolas going psycho on some wussy Oliphaunt, lots more death, the king coming back to his throne, and orcs getting their ugly butts handed to them on ugly platters. If that’s not enough to convince you that this is the greatest movie of all time, go watch Black Eye for the Queer Guy, or whatever that show is called. Uh… FIVE!